As many of you know, Chipotle for me is sometimes the only reason I wake up on Saturdays. My body is now trained to salivate and crave Chipotle after a hangover. So I did a little research and decided to find out how much I'm putting into my belly. After tallying up my weekly ritual it's roughly calculated to 765 calories, 325 calories from fat and on top of those 36 grams of fat. Awesome! How in the world could a person not love a 20 oz burrito? In order for me to burn this off I would have to have sex (intercourse) for approximately 2 hrs or have sex (foreplay) for 332 minutes or 6 hrs and 32 minutes. That is a calloused tongue waiting to happen! Another alternative is lifting weights for approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes. For me, I personally enjoy doing all of them so I figured it out. On a Saturday, to burn off my fatty wrapped burrito I will embark on trying to have sex (not with myself...although that might be the only choice) for 1 hr., foreplay for 1 hr. and lift weights for 1 hr. All of those activities combined are equivalent to burning 832 calories. 832 calories minus 765 calories = 67 calories burned! Whoohooo. Perfect...I think I can get used to that diet. I will call it the Slender Sander Diet and write a book, make millions and do infomercials explaining how I made millions. Unfortunately, I have about as much chance of having sex for an hour as I do winning the fucking Powerball. My woman sure is lucky!

My sister told me today that I didn't blog enough. I told her to eat shit and die! No not really.

Guess what America? We are a bunch of fat, obese, tub of lard, beefy, bovine, elephantine, gargantuan, butterball, and whale like people. I just read an article here that says 2/3 of Americans are either overweight or obese as defined by their Body Mass Index (BMI). That to me is embarrassing. Now I might step on a few toes here but I'm not as fat as you and it won't hurt as much. Besides, this is my blog, and I can say what I feel and if you don't like it then go munch on some bacon.

Let’s start off by saying I don't care if you're fat. I really don't. I have friends and family who both are overweight. If you're happy in your skin then by all means I'm happy for you. I really truly am. As long as you don't screw with my life in any way negative I don't care how fat you are. What I can't stand is the overweight person who self loathes about their life and what they can or cannot do because they are a fat ass. Did you ever think that you're depressed because your fat and you're probably fat because you’re depressed? Did you know that exercising actually can help with depression? You realize that most people don't like working out? I don't especially love to work out and it sometimes can be taxing with all my other extracurricular activities but I always seem to find a half hour or hour to get in a workout. I sit at desk for 8 hours a day. If I didn't do something I would be one of the 2/3 of American's that I'm talking about. I love the effect of working out but actually going to the gym to workout sucks. I'll tell you what though...I've never heard a person leave the gym wishing they didn't go to the gym. NEVER!

Also, I love the person who blames society for their weight problems. It is true that junk food is usually cheaper than nutritional food but did you ever think that maybe you don't need 400 lbs of junk food. It might actually be a good thing to buy less food that is more nutritious that might cost a little more. Do you ever notice when you're grocery shopping what people have in their cart or how many carts they have? I love seeing the obvious obese person with a cart full of junk food. In fact, one of my fondest memories of working at Wal-Mart was this morbidly obese tub of shit in his electric cart. He came into the electronics section with his basket full of Doritos, pop, frozen pizzas, etc and knocked off a clip-on of some piece of shit that we were selling from one of the corners of the aisle. Then he had the audacity to ask me if I was going to pick it up!

Fat people shouldn't get carts at Wal-Mart. They need to walk. In fact, they need to walk a lot. The never ending cycle of excuses coming from their filthy sewers really annoys me. If your knee, hip, ankle, legs, and everything in the middle hurts when you exercise, you're not alone. I work out almost every day and I'm hurt almost every day but I don't quit working out! If you have some type of medical problem that makes you gain weight, then you're still not off the hook. You can work out still and eat healthier. You're gaining weight because you're trying to live a lifestyle and keep the same body type as you did when you were 20 but things change. You have to adjust to what you're body is telling you.

Come on America, the day and age of being fat isn't a sign of wealth and prestige anymore. It is actually quite opposite. Find a hobby that keeps you active. Make goals and reward yourself when you reach your goals. If you're single then it gives you every bit of reason to work out. I will guarantee the attention you get when you're in shape will more than double. You become more confident and confidence is sexy. If you are overweight and I offended you then I apologize but I won't take back anything I've said. I challenge you and everybody else to become more active in your everyday life. Put down the pop and get your ass outside, or don't, and go buy a carton of Basics and smoke your ass down to being skinny!

I work close to a Subway here at my occupation and sometimes on occasion I eat a Subway for lunch. I'm a people watcher. I love watching people and how they go about situations but before I get into that I think there should be some guidelines at Subway. There needs to be a rule that you can't order all the food for your fucking office. I would sometimes be nice and ask my co-workers if they needed anything from Subway before I went and pray they would say no. There isn't anything worse than thinking you're the next person in line to soon realize the lady in front of you (and it's always a lady too, usually on the heavy side) whips out a laundry list of orders for co-workers. I mean I would rather each person who ordered be standing in line in front of me so I get a full grasp of how long I was going to have to wait.

It's like a complete sack punch when they pull out that list. OK, moving on. As if that isn't annoying in itself you have the person when asked what vegetables they want on their sandwich. This is where I watch people and have to wonder what is going on in their head. Some people look like they've never seen a vegetable in their life. It's like they grew up on the brown diet consisting of everything they ever ate was fried, in a bag or out of a box. I swear that they're asking themselves about each vegetable, "Do I like tomatoes?"

"Yes, I think I do but do I like them on a turkey sandwich...Hmmmmm?"

"Do I like lettuce? Hmmmm? How about pickles?"

Life really isn't that fucking hard people. I really don't want to get started on cheese but I guess since I brought it up. Do you think it's really going to fuck up your day if you pick the wrong cheese? I know there are like six choices but is it really that big of deal. I think the sun will rise tomorrow if you choose the generic American cheese. I personally can't even taste the cheese so I seriously doubt most people can.

Finally, when it's time to pay and you've already made half of downtown St. Joseph wait for you to fulfill all your co-workers orders, don't say I need to have separate receipts for each. This is about when my thermometer's mercury just broke the glass. Everybody says they love how there is so much freedom and choice in this nation we live in but in this case, we might have too much. Subway just wants to be more American than America, I guess. You on the other hand, won't even choose American cheese...Commi bastard.