2 seconds ago I ripped a pretty nice warm fart. The smell
permeated up from under my desk and tickled my nose. Did I quiver? No
way. Nothing beats your own brand! I would call it the after lunch rip that
happens about every day after my fellow co-workers and I play some cards at
lunch. Approximately, 1 second after that my secretary came in here to
give me my mail. Do I care? Negative. She can smell my shit all day for all I
care but it got me thinking why some farts are warmer and smellier than others.
I did a little research and according to the most accurate source of stupid facts
Yahoo Answers I found this answer:

Most fart gas comes from swallowed air and consists largely of nitrogen and
carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the time it reaches the anal
opening. These gases are odorless, although they often pick up other (and more
odiferous) components on the way through the bowel. They emerge from the anus
in fairly large bubbles at body temperature. A person can often achieve a good
sound with these voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!)
mundane with respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm.

Another major source of fart gas is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation
and digestion processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent
gases. The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated
with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge as the notorious, warm,
SBD (Silent-But-Deadly), often in amounts too small to produce a good sound,
but excelling in stench.

Pretty good stuff.

Well it got me to think a little further that I've been lucky to have my fair
share of lady friends in the past. I've really only had two girlfriends in my
life and I swear to you that during the combined 7 years of those two
relationships I never so much as heard a mouse fart come out of
them....never. I thought to myself, “Is it possible that some people
don't fart?" Answer: Negative. According to Yahoo Answers, everybody farts
every day unless you’re dead. So to take that a little further during those
combined 7 years they never ever got up from watching TV for example and said,
"I've got to drop a stink pickle, be back in ten." Never. Again, I look up Yahoo
Answers and the answer is: although some people might not drop
"deuces" every day the chances of a person going 5 years or 2 years
(length of previous relationships) without a butthole blowout would mean
again...you’re dead.

My whole point to this is my previous relationships didn't work. One could
argue that it could be that we were just too young and immature. One could also
argue that it was just me who was too young and immature and didn't feel like
wasting my time with a certain person anymore. I personally think that it was
because neither ever dropped ass around me. I currently am with the love
of my life and let’s just say she isn't embarrassed of releasing some excess
flatulence. I really don't know how she lived the first couple of months
without her actually exploding. We basically have been living together since
the beginning and for roughly two months there was never an awkward smell in a
car ride, an accidental tickle torture fart or even a sleeping fart that ever
escaped her ass around me. Then one warm afternoon, we were on our annual float
trip. I believe we just set up the canopy over the picnic area and she did what
no other girl dared. She leaned her ass to the side and ripped a pretty heavy 2
second fart. It took my breath away. I knew from that day on that I really
liked this girl and to take it a bit farther we fell in love with each
other. There isn't anything that we hide from each other. I tell her
everything and she does the same in return. Now there are other reasons
why I love her, obviously, but the fart is a metaphor for expressing that she
wasn't going anywhere so you better get used to my ass! I'm a lucky guy to have
found her.

So on this Valentine's day ladies after you get done having dinner, watching a
movie, making out, or fornicating (fucking for the layperson) with the one you
like or love and you want to take the relationship to the next level...hike
your leg to the right or left (whichever is more comfortable) and rip some ass.
He might give you the..HOLY SHIT look but looking back in the future it will
mean a lot to him. If he gets disgusted
and you never see him again then it wasn’t meant to be. If he can’t handle your
shit then he really can’t handle your shit!